Chapter IX.
THERE were heights and depths in Kamala’s nature, to which no one knew and of which she herself was unconscious. The ‘open sesame’ had not been uttered. The torrents confined by artificial barriers lay still and dark. The strength of the floods no one had tested, and their sweeping vehemence had not begun to shew itself. Hitherto she was the placid, dreamy, bewildered, passive Kamala, the toy and prey of circumstances, submitting quietly to every tyranny, bearing calmly every new load of suffering as if everything was the outcome of fate. She was herself astonished at the way she was drifting along, doing the things that she was bidden to do, like the dumb mule, questioning no one, nor inquiring into the why or the wherefore of anything.
Somehow the conduct of her people did not trouble her much at this time. Her eyes had been opened gradually, and once disgusted with their meanness and their underhand dealings, she expected nothing good from them, and regarded their treatment of her as nothing extraordinary. But it was different with Ganesh; for though her feelings towards him had not as yet ripened into love, she had begun to regard him already as a friend and comrade. She felt that he was superior to his people. His conduct had justified her belief and trust in him. To have such a person as her husband, was it not a rare happiness? So she thought, and tried to satisfy her longing throbbing heart. But why did her heart beat so wildly now and then? What did it long for? This friendship had awakened springs of new affection and had given birth to thoughts which startled her not a little, and which seemed to belong to a new world altogether—a world where it would be possible to live an ideal life, where perfect unity of sentiment would exist, and where each would understand the other’s feelings and each would live for the other. Her feelings were vague and indistinct, but they were at times very strong. The persecution to which Ganesh and she had been subjected for some time had tightened the bonds between them. She sympathised and felt for him, even though he knew it not, and she wondered whether he too felt the same sympathy for her. Then she began to experience strange longings for something more than friendship. What did it mean? She questioned herself. But in vain she waited, longed, and pined. One look from him at that time, one sympathetic word, one loving touch would have opened the flood gates of her soul. As it was Ganesh kept away Kamala, frightened at her thoughts, wondered at his coldness towards her, but thought it her duty to care for him, and to watch over him as a mother would watch over her son. Many little things were happening to disturb her, and her fears were often aroused. Was Ganesh coming to any trouble? She had already acquired an experience of the world that showed her where the quicksands of life lay, which those who wish to get on in this world must avoid. Sai had come, and this was one of the chief sources