5
November 9
Church of Our Lady, Manannah
Sonorous: from the moment I stepped out of the car, I could hear the organ. Before Mass began, the organist continued to set the tone of the service, leading and practicing parts of the Mass in her clear and loud voice. And by loud, I mean she was as loud individually as the rest of the church combined. I have never heard anyone sing with such fervor and volume.
After the gospel, Father Jeff Horejsi’s homily dwelt on the Sadducees in Luke 20:27-28, who do not believe in heaven, challenging Jesus about the afterlife by focusing on God of the living and not the dead since all are alive. Many examples are included in the Bible of Jesus being challenged and his incredible gift for using parables or examples to quelch any conspiracies. In a most consoling message for me, Father Jeff illuminated the concept that physical death is not the end. I was so thankful I had faith to calm my anxiety and fear. Going through this without a belief system was something I could not fathom. I even had my own tattoo-worthy-mantra, “I thank God that I have God to thank.”
Lifestyle Changes
In some kind of existential loop, gratitude itself was a huge gift. Certainly, I had moments of “why me?” What did I do wrong? Was it because I didn’t eat the crusts of my bread? Too much Diet Dr. Pepper, not enough spinach? Since fifth grade, I was guilty of wearing a bra and also deodorant, but both had been cleared of any carcinogenic malfeasance. The genetics counselor pretty much made me aware that it was unlikely we’d ever know so I quit beating myself up, but even though physical death is not the end, I wanted to stay as physically healthy as possible for as long as possible. I improved my nutrition. Spinach salads were my lunch all school year and slowly weaned myself off Diet Dr. Pepper. I had ¾ of a can, ½ a can for a few days, ¼ can and then no more. On the very day I had my last sip, a senior gentleman of the Bernick’s Pepsi distribution family company passed away and I did feel a pang of guilt.
Focusing on a plant-based diet, I ate more vegetables and less red meat. Grilled cheeseburgers dropped from a popular favorite to a rare treat. I avoided the dirty dozen and tried to eliminate chemicals in our home. After stage III, I rarely drank alcohol. Maybe I’d have a schluch of Scott’s Guinness or local brewery special every so often, but I figured anything I consumed should be working to limit cancer, not encourage it. We added intermittent fasting, eating only between 11 am and 7 pm to help limit inflammation by keeping glucose level stable for longer periods of time. Thirty-five minutes a day was my exercise goal to keep my BMI in the normal weight range. My goal was to help my immune system as much as possible so it only had cancer to fight.When we started looking at moving to Paynesville, relocating was on my pro list. Even if I didn’t feel there was anything causing my breast cancer in Richmond, moving 12 miles to city water had