3 Setting the Tone with Group Agreements
Whether you are meeting with a group for a short period of time or it is an ongoing course or program, it is important to create clarity and safety by discussing the parameters the group agrees to as they embark on sharing and learning together. It can sometimes feel time-consuming to have this collaborative conversation, but it truly lays the foundation for building a respectful culture.
The Group Work Centre provides an excellent description of the process of brainstorming the question:
What’s going to help us work well together?
The key is the conversation about the agreements, not the final words you come up with.
The real power of agreements is in the fact that everyone has an opportunity to contribute and has their personal needs heard and generally met – and as a result, now feel safer. Many people don’t get this: agreements are first and foremost about creating safety, not about policing behaviour. This is why it never works to use someone else’s agreements.
Steps to facilitate group agreements
The key question to ask a group putting together agreements is:
“What’s going to help us work well together?”
Capture the words on a piece of butcher’s paper/poster so everyone can see them.
Scan the room and look for input. It can take a while to get started. Don’t be impatient.
If people throw up one word values like ‘Respect,’ ask them to unpack the word:
“Ok, great … so what would that look like?
What would someone be doing if they were sticking to that agreement?”
Once a set of words is offered (eg something like “Listening without interrupting”), check it out with the whole group. Look for nods of approval and a vibe that the words are acceptable.
“Does that make sense what Lisa is saying?”
Do not re-interpret what people offer. If you assist with the wording process, make sure the group is still happy once the words are written!
Notice body language. Agreement is often given by nodding but not always. People are sometimes thinking and may be in agreement but not showing any outward sign that they do. Look out for signs that suggest disagreement – folded arms, scowls; audible sighs or eye-rolling in extreme cases. When this happens, don’t be afraid to check it out.
“It looks like you might not be 100% on board with this agreement, Eric?”
People don’t like feeling rail-roaded. As facilitators we have to work against our internal need to have everyone agree quickly, which can come across as not listening or rushing the process.
Trust the group! These agreements are for them after all. Whatever is offered will add vital content to the conversation that is revealing the needs and characters of the individuals who are in the group.
As facilitator, when you listen to people who disagree, you help everyone to feel safer because they witness your willingness to engage with different ideas. As participants, we all worry that our opinion won’t be valued or will be different in some way (in our minds, “wrong”!),