Self-Compassion – An Overview
In order to fully understand self-compassion, we must first look at compassion. Compassion is about seeing the suffering of others, feeling a deep concern, and harnessing the motivation to do something to alleviate that suffering.
Compassion always involves action of some kind.
Empathy is feeling with someone, or perspective taking.
Empathy and compassion are intertwined, but they are different. Empathy is often the gateway to compassion, and compassion is what motivates and moves us to take action to make a difference in other people’s lives.
For Reflection
- What are your thoughts about compassion?
- How does compassion show up in your life?
- What suffering are you most motivated to work towards alleviating?
Many of us find it much easier to offer compassion to others than to extend it to ourselves. Yet there is much research that indicates those who practice self-compassion have a greater sense of well-being and resiliency, and stronger mental health.
What is Self-Compassion?
“A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day.
A string of such moments can change the course of your life.”
~ Chris Germer, PhD (Author of The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion)
Self-compassion is about extending compassion to oneself in instances of suffering, perceived inadequacy, or failure. As humans we have the tendency to stuff or ignore our pain and discomfort. We consciously or unconsciously think that stuffing our pain seems like a better option than dealing with it. However, we also know that unprocessed pain festers and grows. It can begin to impact our perceptions and the way we interact with the world. Alternatively when we treat ourselves with self-compassion, we create space to normalize and process the pain. We are better able to learn from the pain and move past it.
Let’s look at this in terms of compassion for someone else. If I see the suffering of another, and in my busyness and haste I walk by without offering any kind of compassionate response. I have allowed the suffering to continue.
Likewise, if we do not pay attention to our own suffering, then we will not be able to offer ourselves self-compassion and we will continue to be in pain. Over time, a lack of self-compassion will increase our chances of experiencing depression, stress, compassion fatigue, burnout, and secondary traumatic stress.
Self-compassion means that we extend to ourselves as much kindness as we would offer our best friend, our children when they are suffering. It’s about noticing when you are having a difficult time. Instead of being harsh and critical with yourself, telling yourself to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps,” acknowledge the pain of the situation and offer yourself kindness.
When we practice self-compassion we say,
“This hurts. I’m hurting right now.” And then ask, “What can I do to support myself right now?”
If your best friend came to you upset and emotional about a problem they were facing, how would you respond to them