Self-Disclosure – Sharing About Yourself
From the Core Values
Mutuality: The peer relationship is mutual and reciprocal. Peer support breaks down hierarchies. The peer support worker and the peer equally co-create the relationship, and both participate in boundary creation.
If connection is about energy exchange flowing back and forth between two people, then a big piece of connection is about sharing and reciprocity. In any relationship we can only know others and be known by them if there is mutuality. This is especially true in peer support.
What and how much you choose to share about yourself within your peer role will depend on how often you see the people you’re serving. If you just see someone once, then you will probably be mostly listening, and won’t likely share much about yourself. If you see someone on an ongoing basis, you may share more.
It’s valuable to remember that people feel heard and validated when they hear “me too” and “I get that.” So, even when you only meet with someone once, there will still be opportunity for some sharing. Afterall, the mutuality of the peer approach is what makes this work so unique.
Guidelines for Self-Disclosure
Let’s explore:
1. Sharing from the Framework of Building Connection
Consider some of your past experiences of meeting someone new.
- What are some behaviours or words that put you off when you meet someone new?
- What are some things about a person that make you feel connected to them?
- What does it feel like to be privy to a little bit of someone’s inner world?
Next, consider a time when you have heard someone teach or speak in front of a group. Perhaps this is in a class, at a workshop/conference, or even watching a YouTube video.
- Do you feel connected to that speaker/teacher when they keep to only the facts of what they are teaching about?
- How do you think you would feel when the person shares some personal details about their life, that supports application of the material they are teaching about?
- How do you think you would feel about the person (speaker) if they shared something about a personal struggle they faced, along with a transformative moment when they were able to triumph over the struggle?
When someone shares something about themselves, they give us a little glimpse into who they are. We can’t help but feel a sense of connection. This “knowing” supports the building of trust, respect and connection.
2. Sharing Personal Stories Can Be Encouraging and Hopeful
We often watch and read stories of people’s struggle and overcoming difficulty because it is so hopeful when we get to bear witness to the strength of the human spirit. We are drawn to people’s experiences of “slaying their dragons” because they inspire us to feel like we can, in turn, slay our own. This is one of the big reasons we share our stories in peer support.
*Note that depending on the type of peer support you are doing on your campus, sharing your story of struggle might not be applicable.
- Reflect on a