Working Through Conflict
Conflict is hard. Many of us are averse to conflict, we would rather turn around and run the other way than face a conflict. Often, conflict can tap into our past trauma, and that can feel unsafe.
Conflict is a topic that needs mentioning in this training, as it affects all of us. Your peer support work is no exception. However, conflict is a massive topic. It has so many layers and complexities. It affects us on a global scale and on a very personal level. This section takes a high level look at dealing with conflict, and primarily interpersonal conflict that you might face in your per support role. It’s important to note that there is much more that can be said about this topic. Do you see conflict as a bad thing? Have you ever had a good experience as a result of conflict?
Here’s the million-dollar question for all of us who avoid conflict: Can we change how we perceive and experience conflict? Can we approach conflict differently?
Perception and Conflict
It is very easy to misunderstand each other. At any given moment, we have so much information coming at us that our brains need to categorize it to help make sense of the world. When we don’t intentionally work to expand our thinking and challenge our biases, we can become lazy and rigid about the process of categorizing. That’s a breeding ground for assumptions and judgements to get stirred up.
comes to conflict. This is where it can get messy.
We can’t help but filter what we hear, see and experience through our own worldview. This can make it difficult to understand someone else’s worldview, because we tend to get stuck in our own perspective and often believe ours is the only “right one.” This can lead us to mishear and misinterpret the meaning of someone else’s words. When we’re not working to check our own biases and thinking, our communication gets all muddled.
If two people are approaching a conflict, each stuck in their own worldview, unwilling to move, wanting the other person to see their side rather than trying to understand. Well when they reach that point, it’s checkmate. Game over. And in this case, conflict wins, and the relationship suffers.
The goals of peer support are connection and building relationships, so it is essential that we check our perceptions when we communicate with others. When we are mindful of our own perceptions, we reduce the opportunity for disconnection.
Checking our Perceptions
Any time we experience feelings that tell us conflict is starting to bubble, it is helpful to pause and check our perceptions. This means examining our worldview and biases while trying to understand someone else’s. It means considering how your worldview may be influencing how you are hearing the other person’s words, realizing that their story is different from yours.
Sometimes we have a thought that seems to come out of left field. It’s important to realize that our thoughts aren’t always tied to our core beliefs. We don’t have to be defined by all o