Address to the national meeting of Imperial Surveillance, Inc.
Address to the national meeting of Imperial Surveillance, Inc.
Today I would like to misdirect your attention to a problem we have been creating in the well-known problem area of MIA’s—Misplaced in Air. To begin with, we had a little problem—or should I say an opportunity—last season when a Korean Air Lies photographer—excuse me, pilot—strayed a few hundred miles off course over the Kamchatka Peninsula, which the Soviets claim is part of their territory. (They don’t mention that they seized it from Japan in 1945.) So the Soviets met, and talked it over, and then the rulers of their regime’s clique decided that logically, cold-blooded murder would be the best way to implement their lofty goals.
The Korean Air Line, which is really the correct line, also had lofty goals. You see, they were not aware, at the time, of a Soviet missile test scheduled on Kamchatka for the day of the fated flight, although U.S. reconnaissance planes cover the area 24 hours a day. The KAL was also blissfully unaware of the existence of strategic command bases on Kamchatka, since KAL agents—I beg your pardon, pilots—are not allowed to know anything they’re not allowed to know. The pilot simply wished to offer his passengers something a little more than the competing airlines. A view of an exotic area. But of course the Soviets don’t believe in competition, at least not on a commercial level, so they shot the innocent 007 down. Afterwards, they tried to justify this act by saying that the plane’s radar pattern resembles that of an F105 “spy” plane, that the pilot ignored warnings and communications attempts—in other words, they generally tried to use logic to subvert our lofty goals.
More recently, we had the case of a drowned American helicopter. (American means of or pertaining to the United States. We do lend our name to other parts of Our Hemisphere, at the prime rate of course. For example, Latin America: Latin is their first name, just as every little child has a first name. And then America is the family name. So we’re like one big happy family, with the United States of America acting as the father figure for the youngsters: Latin, South and Central.)
And the Nicaraguoid puppet army shot him down. Just like that. And then they said he was flying in a sensitive border area. Seriously, if they’re so sensitive about it why don’t they move it to some place with more callouses?
Then in February, four U.S. soldiers were killed and six injured when their helicopper crashed in Honduras. This was not the result of hostile action, but we are looking into the possibility that the Nicaraguites are happy about it and would like to have been responsible.
Now going backwards in history—which is my favorite past time—we find that in 1964 the North Veetcong were also kind of sensitive, in this case about what we might see in their sea, specifically the Gulf of Tonkin. Now we had a vessel out there engaged in routine, defensive exploratory work such as every nation with a world fle