A Rap-Up
(To be recited to a beat borrowed from a creative underclass, in the finest cultural-entreprenurial tradition)
In the beginning, Columbus discovered America
There were Indians there
They came over from India
To throw a party for the fair-skinned Chris
I wouldn’t dis ya
Chris worked for Spain, I think it’s plain
Spreadin’ free enterprise
Which at that time was controlled by
Big GovaMint
Instead of contrariwise
Like today, but as I was sayin’
The colonies were conceived in liberty
They liberated a new continent
From the Indians who underexploited it
And besides, they were behind in the rent
And they went to darkest Africa
Which anyway had too many folks
They liberated some slaves, brought em west to work
For the formerly British blokes
Who were doin’ fine
till that homeboy o’mine
King George went to tax the tea
So the colonies appealed to the French
In more ways than one, if you follow me
You see the French were exporting revolution
And George, he couldn’t do a thing
Cos that was before Monroe, you know
No laws against such meddling
The Americans, as they came to be called
Had a democratic revolution
Although only a third supported the cause
Cause of British disinfoconfusion
The rest were repressed
but don’t kick up a fuss
Cos they were standin’ in the way of democracy
That is, us
You see the revolution was an inspiration
Set the whole hemisphere on fire
But that didn’t constitute exporting revolution
Cos it was against an evil empire
You know, them.
A lotta land was taken from the Tories
And given to the poor to farm
But that was then, you can’t do it again
Cause landlords are the Free World’s right arm
But when it came to the Indians, Mr. Jefferson said
No more land should be taken from them
So when he needed Louisiana he was careful
To buy it from the French
Well pretty soon the leaders of the revolution
Decided to write a constitution
All the workers and the women and the slaves were tied up
So the rich had to bear the burden of the writeup
This was only fair, since they were the ones
Who knew how to write, and also because
They knew what to do to be sure the slaves
Were protected, or anyway, slavery was
The young nation was bookin’
and lookin’ around
Found some land out west with no downtowns
I mean empty, nothin’ but some conical tents
That was a waste, it didn’t make no sense
Or dollars neither, speaking of which
Co-incidentally the nation was getting rich
Somehow we got into a war with Mexico
I guess some neighbors are just too close
Check it out:
It seems some gringos didn’t pay their debts
So the Mexican army started making threats
The Congress was dissed by President Polk
That they declared war on us, what a joke
No one was opposed to this war a bit
Except some of the people, and that ain’t…significant.
Now there arose a big division
Over slavery, which demanded a decision
It was clearly immoral, and too much of a test
For slave labor to compete with white workers in the Western states
which were no longer Mexican soil
So a proc