4.1 Attachment
True story
The Senior Guidance Officer knocked on the door of the Intervention Centre. With her was a small boy, Max, who was younger than the stipulated age range of 10 – 15 years. This was a ‘regional’ case so Max’s age was irrelevant. He was eight years old. The information offered at this point in time was “You do not need to know the details of what this little boy has suffered. Just start with helping him learn how to be at school and not to hit and punch people.”
Welcomed into the classroom, Max was guided by the Intervention Centre teacher and encouraged to choose any activity he wished. Hesitant, silent and avoiding eye contact at all costs, he gathered the big pillows from near the book display, dragged them to the large table in the front corner of the room beside the door, climbed under the large table and used the pillows to barricade himself in. And there he stayed until home time.
This day was the beginning of a four-year relationship. A relationship that saw heartache, tears and joy. A relationship that made a positive difference to the life of this small boy who had experienced complex trauma, the nature of which no child should ever have to endure.
Attachment
“A key adult can really make the difference” (Bomber, 2009, p. 58).
What is attachment? Human beings need connections. They need to feel safe and secure. We explore our worlds connected to and immersed in the experiences of others who are the important people in our lives. Donald Winnicott (1964) said “There is no such thing
as a baby; there is a baby and someone”. Babies are social little beings that need to live connected with the other people in their world. This need is one of instinct and it is instrumental in their survival. Whatever happens in their environment and the experiences that they have within it, becomes the content of their brain. If we think of the baby’s brain as a blank book, everything they experience is written into the pages and informs what happens next. The relationship with the parent or carer is the author of the book and literally determines the structure and the functioning of the baby’s brain. Over the years as the baby grows, the experiences they have fill the chapters of the brain and shape the person they will become both socially and mentally.
Feeling safe allows infants and children to explore with confidence, demonstrate flexibility and take risks knowing they are supported and cared for. The role of the parent or caregiver in meeting the needs of the infant and nurturing positive relational interactions, is critical to the development of secure attachment. The primary attachment figure is the adult to whom the infant turns in times of crisis when they need comfort, security and protection. But what if the attachment figure is the person who is hurtful, abusive and frightening? What if when a baby cries, they are not picked up, held tenderly and reassured that they are loved, and everything will be alright? What then? When