Elmire
You hurry so, I hardly can attend you.
Madame Pernelle
Then don’t, my daughter-in-law. Stay where you are.
I can dispense with your polite attentions.
Why must you go away in such a hurry?
Madame Pernelle
Because I can’t endure your carryings-on,
And no one takes the slightest pains to please me.
Dorine
If…
Damis
But…
Madame Pernelle
You’re a fool, my boy—f, o, o, l
Just spells your name.
Mariane
I think…
Madame Pernelle
O dearie me, his little sister!
You’re all demureness, butter wouldn’t melt
In your mouth, one would think to look at you.
Elmire
But, mother…
Madame Pernelle
Daughter, by your leave, your conduct
In everything is altogether wrong;
You ought to set a good example for ’em;
Their dear departed mother did much better.
You are extravagant; and it offends me,
To see you always decked out like a princess.
A woman who would please her husband’s eyes
Alone, wants no such wealth of fineries.
Cléante
But, madam, after all…
Madame Pernelle
Sir, as for you,
The lady’s brother, I esteem you highly,
Love and respect you. But, sir, all the same,
If I were in my son’s, her husband’s, place,
I’d urgently entreat you not to come
Within our doors. You preach a way of living
That decent people cannot tolerate.
I’m rather frank with you; but that’s my way—
I don’t mince matters, when I mean a thing.
Damis
Mr. Tartuffe, your friend, is mighty lucky…
Madame Pernelle
He is a holy man, and must be heeded;
I can’t endure, with any show of patience,
To hear a scatterbrains like you attack him.
Damis
What!
And shall we never dare amuse ourselves
Till this fine gentleman deigns to consent?
Dorine
If we must hark to him, and heed his maxims,
There’s not a thing we do but what’s a crime;
He censures everything, this zealous carper.
Madame Pernelle
And all he censures is well censured, too.
He wants to guide you on the way to heaven;
My son should train you all to love him well.
Damis
No, madam, look you, nothing—not my father
Nor anything—can make me tolerate him.
I should belie my feelings not to say so.
His actions rouse my wrath at every turn;
And I foresee that there must come of it
An open rupture with this sneaking scoundrel.
Dorine
Besides, ’tis downright scandalous to see
This unknown upstart master of the house—
This vagabond, who hadn’t, when he came,
Shoes to his feet, or clothing worth six farthings,
And who so far forgets his place, as now
To censure everything, and rule the roost!
Madame Pernelle
Eh! Mercy sakes alive! Things would go better
If all were governed by his pious orders.
Dorine
He passes for a saint in your opinion.
Madame Pernelle
Just listen to her tongue!
Dorine
I wouldn’t trust him,
Nor yet his Lawrence, without bonds and surety.
Madame Pernelle
I don’t know what the servant’s character
May be; but I can guarantee the master
A holy man. You hate him and reject him
Because he tells home truths to all of you.
‘Tis sin alone that moves his heart to anger,
And heaven’s interest is his only motive.
Dorine
Of course. But