Connection
Elizabeth B. Pearce; Wesley Sharp; and Nyssa Cronin
The need for, and benefits of, being connected in an emotional and social way to other human beings is one of the central foundations of family life. The quote speaks to the tension amongst Western, Eastern, and Indigenous views about individuality and collectivism. He refers to the “optical delusion” (what we might call a social construction) of seeing ourselves as separate beings from others and the natural world. Increasing layers of research, however, speak to the importance of close social relationships (belongingness and connectedness) as well as the wider circle of social networks.[1]
Theorists who discuss families, parenting, and mate selection rely on an underlying principle: that it is the mutual social and emotional interdependence of human beings that fosters family development and growth. In addition, our ability to connect to the greater society and planet, including those who are less similar or related to us, enhances our care for family and community. An emphasis of this text is the disposition of being willing to listen and to learn about the greater community in which we live.
As we discuss social connection, we are referring to qualities and experiences such as:
- Positive relationships with others in the social world;
- Attachment, an affectionate emotional connection with at least one other;
- A feeling of belonging and lack of feeling of exclusion;
- Social support, which includes connection but may also include informational support, appraisal support (such as personal feedback and/or affirmation), and/or practical support (such as money or labor);
- The act of nurturing and being nurtured;
- An individual’s perception of all of the above.
It matters most to the individual what they perceive as connection and support, and less how others would view it.
For example, in Urie Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological Systems Theory, he shows the individual within concentric circles that emphasize all the people and places in that person’s life. The outer circles include the community values and norms, as well as the person’s location in time and geography. Although Bronfenbrenner identified systems (for more on Bronfenbrenner’s theory, see the Studying Families chapter), it can be argued that all systems consist of people. It is the people within these circles that will interact with and impact each of us.
Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory, also discussed in the Studying Families chapter, includes the emotional need for affection and loving connections to others once basic physiological and biological needs are met. In contrast, there are theories created by multiple indigenous groups, and best documented by the Blackfoot Nation in North America, that emphasize the self-actualization of not just the individual, but of the community as the most primary of needs.
In 1938 Maslow spent time with the Blackfoot Nation (link to archival photo) in Canada prior to releasing his