Miles Gloriosus, or The Braggart Captain
Act Three, Scene Three
Enter PERIPLECOMENUS, with ACROTELEUTIUM and MILPHIDIPPA.
PERIPLECOMENUS
as he advances. I have explained the whole affair, Acroteleutium, to you, and, Milphidippa, to you as well. If you don’t well understand this device and plan, I wish you to hear it all over again. If you comprehend it aright, there is something else that we may speak of in preference.
ACROTELEUTIUM
I’ faith, it would be folly, and ignorance, and foolishness, for me to engage in the service of another, or to promise you my assistance, if, in its fabrication, I did not know how to be either mischievous or clever at deceiving.
PERIPLECOMENUS
But, ’tis better for you to be instructed.
ACROTELEUTIUM
Really I don’t understand of what great use it is for a Courtesan to be instructed. How now! have I told you all in vain, after my ears had drunk in the draughts[1] of your discourse, in what fashion it was possible for the Captain to be cajoled?
PERIPLECOMENUS
But no one, unaided, is sufficiently perfect; for full oft have I seen many a person lose the road to good advice before they had found it.
ACROTELEUTIUM
If a woman has anything to do mischievously and maliciously, in that case her memory is immortal at remembering it for everlasting; but if anything is to be done for a good purpose, or honestly, it will fall out that those same women will become oblivious that instant, and be unable to remember.
PERIPLECOMENUS
Therefore do I fear that same because both those things happen to be about to be done by us; for that will be a benefit to me in which you both will be acting mischievously towards the Captain.
ACROTELEUTIUM
So long as we do anything that’s good, not knowing it, don’t you fear. No woman is awkward. Have no apprehensions, they are ready for the worst.
PERIPLECOMENUS
So it befits you. Do you follow me?
PALAESTRIO
advancing. Why do I hesitate to go and accost them?
PERIPLECOMENUS
Well met, and opportunely, Palaestrio. See, here they are whom you commissioned me to bring, and in the very dress.
PALAESTRIO
Well done: accept my thanks. I am glad that you have come safe. I’ faith, you bring them nicely dressed Palaestrio salutes Acroteleutium.
ACROTELEUTIUM
Prithee, who’s this, that calls me so familiarly by name?
PERIPLECOMENUS
This is our master-plotter.
ACROTELEUTIUM
Health to you, master-plotter.
PALAESTRIO
And health to you. But, tell me, has he any way given you full instructions?
PERIPLECOMENUS
I bring them both thoroughly prepared.
PALAESTRIO
I’d like to hear how. I’m afraid lest you should be making some mistake.
PERIPLECOMENUS
I have added to your instructions nothing new of my own.
ACROTELEUTIUM
I suppose you wish the Captain, your master, to be gulled.
PALAESTRIO
You’ve said what’s true.
ACROTELEUTIUM
Cleverly and skilfully, adroitly and pleasantly, the whole thing is planned.
PALAESTRIO
In fact, I wish you to pretend to be his wife. Points to PERIPLECOMENUS.
ACROTELEUTIUM
That shall be done.
PALAESTRIO