Miles Gloriosus, or The Braggart Captain
Act Two, Scene Two
Enter PERIPLECOMENUS from his house.
PERIPLECOMENUS
speaking to his servants within. My neighbours, i’ faith, are overlookers of what is going on in my own house; so often are they peeping down through the skylight[1]. And so, that they may commit no infringement against the laws of dice[2], do you take good care that they keep holiday at home without any ankle-bones at all.
PALAESTRIO
aside. Something amiss,–what, I know not, has been done him by our family so far as I can hear, inasmuch as the old man has ordered the ankles of my fellow-servants to be broken. But he has excepted me; nothing care I what he does to the rest of them. I’ll accost the old man. (Advances.)
PERIPLECOMENUS
The person that is coming this way, is he coming towards me? He comes as if he was coming to me.
PALAESTRIO
How do you do, Periplecomenus?
PERIPLECOMENUS
There are not many men, if I were to wish, whom I would rather now see and meet with than yourself.
PALAESTRIO
What’s the matter? What disturbance have you with our family?
PERIPLECOMENUS
We are done for.
PALAESTRIO
What’s the matter?
PERIPLECOMENUS
The thing’s discovered.
PALAESTRIO
What thing’s discovered?
PERIPLECOMENUS
Some one just now of your household was looking in from the tiles through our skylight at Philocomasium and my guest as they were toying together.
PALAESTRIO
What person saw it?
PERIPLECOMENUS
Your fellow-servant.
PALAESTRIO
Which person was it?
PALAESTRIO
I suspect I’m ruined.
PERIPLECOMENUS
When he went away, I cried: “Hallo! you sir!” said I, “what are you doing upon the tiles?” As he went away he replied to me in these terms, that he was following a stray’d monkey.
But is Philocomasium there with you even still?
PERIPLECOMENUS
When I came out, she was there.
PALAESTRIO
If she is, then bid her return to our house as soon as ever she can, that the servants may see that she is at home; unless, indeed, she wishes that we, who are slaves, her fellow- slaves[3], should all be given up together to tortures by the cross on account of her courting.
PERIPLECOMENUS
I bade her do so; unless you would aught else.
PALAESTRIO
I would. Tell her this: that, by my troth, she must not hesitate at all to bring in play her skill and cleverness.
PERIPLECOMENUS
In what way?
PALAESTRIO
That by her words she may persuade him who saw her here at your house, that he did not see her. Should he accuse her, on the other hand let her convince him with her oath. Even though she were seen a hundred times over, still let her deny it. Aside. For, if she is at all inclined to ill, a woman never goes begging[4] to the gardener for material, she has a garden at home and a stock of her own for all mischievous contrivances; at home she has impudence[5], a lying tongue, perfidiousness, malice, and boldness, self-conceit, assurance, and deceitfulness,–at home she has wiles,–at home captivating contrivances,–stratagems at home.
PERIPLECOMENUS
I’ll tell her this, if she sh