Speech at Colorado College November 4, 1983
In this article I will attempt to represent the viewpoint of the imperialist community on the Grenade-a matter so that after reading it you will proceed to do nothing about the issue.
We are the guardians of the region against its own lack of judgement. We stopped the Communists in Nicaragua in 1874, and several times since. Franklin Roosevelt pointed out, in the case of the first Somoza, the merits of having our own son-of-a-bitch. We have had many admirable, hard-working ones. But after Cuba, Guatemala, Chile, Cuba, Nicaragua, Nicaragua, Cuba and Nicaragua, the Committee to Intervene Anywhere has finally intervened Anywhere.
The Western hemisphere must be protected from the Eastern hemisphere by the Northern hemisphere.
We chose Grenade-a for humanitarian considerations. For the wounded, there was a medical school conveniently located on the island. Fortunately, there have been no people killed in the action—only Communists. Incidentally, the reason that all the resistance has come from Cuban soldiers, and that there have been no comments or actions from Grenade-a is that for the last two weeks there have been no Grenade-ians on the island. They have all been on vacation in Cuba; we plan to rescue them shortly. (In actuality, these “vacations” were merely a cover for the Soviets to convert Grenade-a into a military airstrip, further covered by the clever use of a British contracting firm).
It is true that 18 American boys were killed in the action and others were wounded. However, it is a glorification of the Cubistas fighting capability to credit these casualties to enemy fire. To the contrary, four Navy men drowned in a pre-Rescue accident, several died when two of our own helicopters collided, and 14 were injured when a U.S. air strike was called on the wrong location. In fact, the enemy has been so inefficient at killing our forces compared to our own capability, that in the future we’re considering going to war against ourselves.
In this particular case, however we went in to protect American lives, as we will continue to do Anywhere that they may at some point perhaps be taken hostage, mugged, asked embarrassing questions about U.S. foreign policy or otherwise inconvenienced. American lives must be protected. Americans abroad are susceptible to a disease, widely prevalent in so-called third world countries, known as Communist Filtration. It strikes Americans in disproportionate numbers, unless of course we strike First. It often leads to complications such as literacy, expropriation and, in severe cases, sovereignty. The only physician competent to treat the disease is, of course, the Monroe Doctor. The old ways are the only ways.
Our assistance in Grenade-a is a simple case of hemispheric security. The Western hemisphere must be protected from the Eastern hemisphere by the Northern hemisphere. I just don’t understand why Western values aren’t appreciated in the Southern hemisphere.
And we’re no