19 Love and Union Formation
Love and Union Formation
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
–Lao Tzu, Philosopher
Relationships represent the excitement, passion, security, and connection we experience; they also represent the sadness, heartbreak, insecurities, violence, and loneliness we find at times.
Close relationships, such as those with a confidante or spouse are highly associated with health, and with recovery from disease. In studies of various forms of cancer, including breast cancer, having one or more confidants decreased the likelihood and frequency of relapse.[1]
Theories of Love
Love is a multidimensional concept and psychologists and sociologists have defined it in a variety of ways over the years. Here we look at two frameworks that describe varying kinds of love within intimate relationships.
Lee’s Theory of Love
John Lee was a well-known Canadian psychologist who has a theory on love including six love types. Lee assumed that we all shared six core components of love and that our current loving relationship can be assessed and measured. Lee also claimed that there are qualities of love types—some more long-lasting and supportive of relationships and some pathological and defective which inhibit relationships. Lee’s love types are widely used to help people understand their love styles. Lee claimed that six types of love comprised our loving experiences.
Eros
Eros is the love of sensuality: sex, taste, touch, sight, hearing, and smell. Eros love is often what we feel when turned on. Eros love is neither good nor bad; it is simply part of the overall love composite we experience with another person.
Storgé
Storgé is the love of your best friend in a normal casual context of life. Storgé is calm and peaceful, surprising to some who might have simply hung out together at one point but suddenly discovered that their friendship deepened and became more important than other friendships. “We started needing to be together, talking on the phone for hours, and missing each other when apart,” are common descriptions of Storgé love.
Pragma
Pragma is the love of details and qualities in the other person. Pragma lovers are satisfied and attracted by the other because of their characteristics (e.g., athleticism, intelligence,wealth). Pragma lovers feel love at a rational level—thinking to a certain degree about the good deal.
Agapé
Agapé is the love that is selfless, other-focused, and seeks to serve others rather than
receive from others. In Christian theology it’s the love of God for mankind.
Ludis
Ludis is an immature love that is more of a tease than a legitimate loving relationship.
Ludic lovers trick their mates into believing that they are sincerely in love, while grooming 1, 2,or even 3 other lovers at the same time.
Mania
Mania is an insecure love that is a mixture of conflict and artificially romantic Eros expressions. Manic lovers fear abandonment and are simultaneously t