3.4 Love and Union Formation
Nyssa Cronin and Elizabeth B. Pearce
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
—Lao Tzu, philosopher
Relationships represent the excitement, passion, security, and connection we experience; they also represent the sadness, heartbreak, insecurities, violence, and loneliness we find at times.
Close relationships, such as those with a confidant or spouse, are highly associated with health and recovery from disease. In studies of various forms of cancer, including breast cancer, having one or more confidants decreased the likelihood and frequency of relapse (Maunsell et al., 1995). As a social species, intimate relationships—those that are characterized by mutual trust, caring, and acceptance and often extend to a romantic or sexual relationship—are a fundamental aspect of our lives (figure 3.5).
Theories of Love
Love is a multidimensional concept, and psychologists and sociologists have defined it in a variety of ways over the years. One theory identifies six core components of love that are contained in each of our relationships (Lee, 1973). They are:
- Eros: the love of sensuality (taste, touch, sight, hearing, and smell)
- Storgé: the love of your best friend
- Pragma: the love of details and qualities in the other person
- Agapé: the love that is selfless, other-focused, and seeks to serve others rather than receive from others (in Christian theology, it’s the love of God for mankind)
- Ludis: an immature love that is more of a tease than a legitimate loving relationship
- Mania: an insecure love that is a mixture of conflict and artificially romantic eros expressions
In modern-day applications of love, various components make up the ingredients of love: commitment, passion, friendship, trust, loyalty, affection, intimacy, acceptance, caring, concern, care, selflessness, infatuation, and romance. In addition, unconditional love is sincere love that does not vary regardless of the actions of the person who is loved, often related to parenting or kinship relationships. Feelings of love are expressed outwardly and internally, as shown in figure 3.6.
The love types and patterns listed below are taken from many sources but fit neatly into several theoretical paradigms:
- Romance: a love that is based on continual courtship and physical intimacy
- Infatuation: a temporary state of love where the other person is overly idolized and seen in narrow and extremely positive terms
- Commitment: a love that is loyal and devoted
- Altruism: a selfless type of love that serves others while not serving the one who is altruistic
- Passion: sexual or passionate love focused on the intense pleasures of the senses (taste, touch, sight, hearing, and smell)
- Friendship: a love that includes intimacy and trust among close friends
- Realistic love: feelings you have when your list of ideal personal traits in a potential mate is met in the other person
- Obsession: an unhealthy love ty